Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
