I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
