We won't sleep together?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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