Too much gin, very little bucket
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
