addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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