He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
