that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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