with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
