What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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