I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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