Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
