When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you win again, gameday.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
