you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
