Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
