It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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