I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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