THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
