Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
