While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
