jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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