i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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