remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's like iHOP with fire
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize