just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
