Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
