We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
