I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
