FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
