I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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