I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
