he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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