I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
