Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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