why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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