my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
