Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
