Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
