I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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