Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.

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(301): View more from Maryland

We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.

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(315): View more from New York

and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.

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(925): View more from California

Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.

(1-925): View more from California

If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".

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(585): View more from New York

Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.

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