My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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