i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone says I win the strip club
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
