Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
