You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
