I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
