Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize