Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
