I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
