Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
