First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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