Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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