i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize