it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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