My room smells like vodka and shame
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
