How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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