Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
