I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
