Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
