i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
