i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
