soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
