well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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