There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
