i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
that's an acceptable place to lick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
