I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
