the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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