I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
