he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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